Sometimes I become overwhelmed by sadness; I start crying,and I feel lost in it. Please explain to me what you mean by watching, by witnessing.
Cry, nothing is wrong in it, but stand by the side and look at it - don't be identified. And it is a wonderful experience if you can stand by the side. Cry, let the body cry, let the tears flow, don't suppress it because suppression helps nobody, but stand by the side and watch.
This can be done - because your inner being is a witness, it is never a doer. Whatever you think it is a doer there is an identification. You can walk the whole earth - your inner being never walks a single dream. All movements are on the periphery, just like a wheel moves, but at the center nothing moves. At that center everything remains as it is , and on the center the wheel moves.
Remember the center! Watch your behavior, your actions, your identifications, and a distance is created; by and by distance comes into existence - the watcher and the doer become two. You can see yourself laughing, you can see yourself crying, you can see yourself walking, eating, making live; you can act many things, whatsoever is going on around - and you remain the seer. You don't jump and become one with whatsoever you are seeing.
Watch the greed, watch sex, watch anger, possessiveness, jealousy. One thing has to be remembered: you don't get identified, you simple watch; you simply look, you become a spectator. By and by the quality of witnessing grows; you become able to see all the nuances of greed. It is very subtle. You become capable of seeing how subtly the ego functions, how subtle are its ways. It is not a gross thing; it is very subtle and delicate and deep-hidden.
The more you watch, the more your eyes become capable of seeing, become more perceptive, the more you see and deeper you can move, and more distance is created between you and whatsoever you do. Distance helps because without distance there can be no perception. How can you see a thing which is too close? If you are standing near a mirror, how can you see? A distance is needed. And nothing can give you a distance except witnessing. You try it and see.
Move into sex; nothing is wrong in it, but remain a watcher. Watch how the energy is falling downwards; watch the orgasm, what is happening - how two bodies move in a rhythm; the heartbeat - faster and faster it goes a moment comes when it is almost mad. Watch the warmth of the body, the blood circulates more. Watch the breathing, it is going mad and chaotic. Watch the moment when a limit comes to your voluntariness and everything becomes involuntary. Watch the moment from where you could have come back, but beyond that there is no return. The body becomes so automatic all control is lost. Just a moment when you before the ejaculation you lose all control, the body takes over.
Watch it: the voluntary processes, the non-voluntary process, the moment when you were in control and you could have gone back, the return was possible, and the moment when you cannot come back, the return has become impossible - now the body has taken over completely, you are no more in control. Watch everything - and millions of things are there. Everything is so complex and nothing is as sex, because the whole body-mind is involve - only the witness not involved, only one thing remains always outside.
The witness is an outsider. by its very nature the witness can never become an insider. Find out this witness and then you are standing on a top of the hill, and everything goes in the valley and you are not concerned. You simply see; what is your concern? As if it is happening to somebody else.
And same with greed and same with anger; everything is very complex. And you will enjoy it if you can watch - negative, positive, all the emotions. You simply remember one thing: that you have to be a watcher, then the identification is broken, then the root is cut, once you think you are not the doer, everything suddenly changes.
So, even while you are doing meditation, remain a witness, continuously see what is happening...Doing a meditation like the dynamic, or kundalini or whirling, suddenly one say the meditation will go on but you will not be identified. You will sit silently behind, you will watch it - that day meditation has happened; that technique is no more a hindrance, no more help. You can enjoy it if you like, like an exercise, it gives a certain vitality, but there is no need now - the real meditation has happened.
Meditation is witnessing. To meditate means to become a witness. Meditation is not a technique at all! This will be very confusing to you because I go on giving you techniques. In the ultimate sense meditation is not a technique; meditation is an understanding, awareness. But you need techniques because that final understanding is very faraway from you; deep hidden in you, but still very far away from you. Right this moment you can attain it, but you will not attain it, because your moment goes on, your mind goes on. This very moment it is possible and yet impossible. Techniques will bridge the gap, they are just to bridge the gap.
So in the beginning techniques are meditations; in the end you will laugh, techniques are not meditation. Meditation is a totally different quality of being, it has nothing to do with anything. But it will happen only in the end, don't think it has happened in the beginning, otherwise the gap will not be bridged.
Why do you insist so much on witnessing?
Though witnessing may be difficult in the beginning, it is the most safe method without any dangers. It cannot lead you anywhere other than towards enlightenment.
Witnessing is the most simple and the most infallible method; it is the essence of all meditations.
I don't want anybody to get into any trouble in the name of spirituality, hence my suggestion is just pure witnessing - and that too, very playfully, not seriously, with a sense of humor.
If you forget, there is no harm. Whatever you remember, again you start. You will forget many times, you will remember many times. There is no question of guilt; it is human.
Very slowly, bigger and bigger gaps of witnessing will arise in you, and as the gaps of witnessing become bigger, your thoughts will become smaller, less. The thoughts will simply disappear. You will be in an absolute silence. Whatever you are doing will not be disturbed by your silence, but on the contrary, your workmanship, your creative effort will be enhanced.
If you are making statues, or painting, or playing music...with such a mad mind, with all kinds of thoughts running around, and you can still manage to create beautiful music - just think of a silent mind, how much deeper and higher music you could create.
The same applies to every area of life. I make it a point to be remembered that if your meditation is right, everything in your life will start falling into better shape. That is the only criterion. No need to ask anybody else; you can see yourself.
Everything in your life will become better with your meditation. When your meditation is at its highest peak, all your efforts will have a beauty and a grace and a creativeness that you cannot imagine. That's why I say, don't divide spiritual life from the ordinary life. Don't create any division at all. Let this life remain one single whole.
So if your consciousness changes, then everything that srrounds you also changes.
Even though witnessing is difficult in the beginning, it becomes very easy as you go ahead. Gautam Buddha has said, "My teaching is bitter in the beginning but sweet in the end."
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